Keep Having the Same Marriage Problems?

Do you keep struggling with the same issues in your marriage, and finding no resolution?

4 Tips to Address Recurring Marital Problems:

Try Something Different.

Time does not heal all wounds. What we do in the midst of the time spent together is what makes all the difference. Something being an issue in your marriage for a long period of time does not speak to the hopelessness of your marriage. Rather it speaks to the fact that you need to try something different.  If there is struggle in your marriage and you have tried to wait it out, ignore it or just continue doing the same things you have always done, yet hope somehow the results will be different, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Your next step may be to learn new skills and habits and ways of engaging with your spouse. You may be one perspective shift or one communication skill away from disrupting a 20 year old pattern and changing the course of your marriage for good! 

Take Personal Responsibility.

You go with you wherever you go. Leaving your current marriage hopeful for a better situation, has one caveat. You take yourself with you and you are 50 percent of the problem in your current marriage. Even if you don’t believe you created the main issue, you have control over how you have reacted to it and grown or not grown yourself in the process. Besides, the statistics for marriages that last go down with each new marriage so it is definitely worth trying to work it out with your current spouse. 

Be Aware of Your Expectations.

Your expectations of what should be happening are a big part of the problem. Expectations can sometimes feel like entitlement and ultimatums. When you focus on what is not happening and what you think should be happening, it breeds discontentment. When you can focus on what you can personally do to make a situation better, and use your mental energy to bring that to pass, you can feel empowered and hopeful, rather than passive and disappointed that your spouse did not meet your expectations. If there are expectations in your marriage, it is best that they are revisited frequently as seasons of life change. It is also important that expectations are clear and agreed upon by both partners. 

Recognize that how you treat your spouse during the argument is more significant than the argument itself.

Who ever said every problem needs a resolution? Marriage researcher, John Gottman, talks about the fact that every couple has perpetual problems which are problems in the marriage that won’t necessarily go away. This is because these perpetual problems are oftentimes associated with core personalities. As a result, rather than trying to change your spouse’s personality you can be more productive by focusing on how you interact with one another in the midst of the problem. What is your tone of voice when discussing the issue, your body language, how is your attention and empathy?

If any of the above situations resonate, Id love to work together.  While it is true that many problems may be recurring, the emotions and feelings around the repeating patterns can improve drastically.  During marriage counseling, many of my clients experience significant break through within the first 4 weeks.  For clients that complete my full 12-week program, they can certainly expect break through, but equally as important, they begin creating entirely new life giving patterns of communication.  The amazing thing about these new patterns is that topics, which used to create division now create unity.

Married and Happy, can be a reality. Who knows, maybe you are just one phone call away from a break through.

-Coach Sarah-Gayle

Here to Serve