I’m talking about congruence and incongruence.  To put it simply, congruence is when how we live, matches what we say and believe. Incongruence is when we live one way but believe another. When we are incongruent in our living our soul is out of alignment with our reality and it creates more chaos in our lives than we realize. It also makes it difficult for others to trust us. An example of this could be the person we all know who loves God with their whole heart but then goes out and does something completely opposite to the ways of God.  Maybe this is you, I know this is sometimes me.

How we live our lives is important to who we are becoming. We underestimate the fact that what we do greatly impacts not only who we become and how people see us, but also how we feel about ourselves.  Shoot! I’ve gone and done it and introduced the F word.  The F word that makes me want to actually cuss, because I have undermined my life in so many ways with this seemingly innocent, yet all consuming F word.  Feelings. Far too often my feelings have been a hinderance to congruence and led me to do or say something that I do not want to do or say and ushered me down a path of incongruent living. Me justifying and excusing why I’m living the way I’m living rather than taking responsibility for not living the way I want to live. Living that is underwhelming as I can’t fully enjoy either way of life because my mind is divided between the two. Sometimes we fool ourselves to think it won’t matter if we go back on our word that  we spoke to ourselves because, after all, no one else knows what was spoken in the depths of our heart. It does matter, and when we constantly let ourselves down and settle for less than what we know we were made for, I think a part of us dies. 

My feelings have led me to accomplish all of my goals… said no one ever! Our feelings are a great barometer for what’s going on inside and they should be recognized for that purpose because again what happens on the inside comes out on the outside eventually. Feelings can also point us in the right direction of purpose and what we are called to, but, feelings do not lead our lives.They can’t, because we cannot expect how we feel to always motivate us to do what we want to do or what we said we would do.

How we feel is not who we are but how we feel can lead to who we become if we do not surrender our feelings to the greater purpose of who we were created to be.  I don’t always feel like being a loving wife, but the alternative doesn’t get me closer to the connection I ultimately want with my spouse, or help me to sow seeds that lead to a fulfilling marriage. 

Many times our feelings betray us and leave us in a state of incongruence.  We want to live one way, but we find ourselves influenced by our feelings and so live in another less desirable, but maybe more comfortable or convenient way. Like a bad habit we can’t quite kick, we keep doing what we don’t want to do. Imagine what this does to our souls?  Our souls believe us when we say we are going to do this thing or not going to do that thing.  Our souls that flourish in peace, clarity and truth.  When we live what is like a double life of conflicting feelings and impulses, and forsake boundaries, accountability and consistency, we are just one setback away from a nervous breakdown.

I used to live in Hollywood, but I know as many of you know, that the cameras and lights cannot cover up the reality of living.  As we chase after fame, significance, “success,” money, you name it, we distract ourselves from one of our deepest needs of being known and accepted.  We look to a world that is not capable of filling those deep deep needs and answering those existential questions of identity, purpose and significance. We come up short as we look, to no avail and the bottom falls out. We live in the incongruence of wanting more than this life has to offer in the core of our being, yet coming up short as we look to a world that takes more than it gives.

Let's go on this journey of living congruent lives together.  It’s a process. One day at a time, not based on our feelings in the moment but our greater convictions. Trusting that our feelings matter but recognizing that some things matter more.  It’s not easy, it will take a lifetime, but I think we can walk it out together.  We must.  There are too many fragmented people living lives they don’t believe in, drowning in despair and inconsistency, trying to make it through the day, not realizing they are obstructing their own way. Let's get this, let's grow here and flourish in this.  Not only for ourselves but for those watching and hoping that they will get it one day and for those the dreams in our hearts will positively impact one day. Choose to be congruent.  Take out the excess and make what you say you will do what you actually do. Imagine how freeing it will be when what we believe is actually reflected in how we live, in every way.  It’s not perfection we are looking for here but a desire and a focus to live in a way that honors who we actually are! I can’t wait to meet you!!!